


Impatiens noli-tangere

by lds



Series: Impatiens [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-08
Updated: 2007-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-06 05:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lds/pseuds/lds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little mishap leaves Sam confused about a few things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impatiens noli-tangere

**Author's Note:**

> So my friend Nancy (my beta) and I were chatting over MSN, a pretty much daily occurance, about Ba'al and somehow we got onto the topic of Sam and Ba'al as a pair or BaalSam as we started referring to them. She dared me to write it. The gauntlet was thrown so of course I couldn't back down, I merely dragged my feet as long as humanly possible. I have no clue how to write these characters, up to now I've only written in SGA. Plus Sam isn't exactly my favourite SG-1 character. (though I assure you no Sam bashing takes place in this story. Well she does get a bump to the head...)

Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter sat in front of a rather large collection of video screens. As she leant forward, her eyes shifted quickly back and forth among the various images provided. In each picture the same man appeared, yet each was a different individual. Cloning. It was enough to give a person a headache, especially when considering who was cloned.

She sat back with a heavy sigh as an odd thought flitted across her mind. It was a pity about the goa'uld as the host was rather good looking.

XXXX

Where was that incessant throbbing coming from? It seeped through the murky grey like someone had the bass set way too high in the stereo. Or is it low? She couldn't quite think. Hold on. The sensation was coming from inside of her head not outside. Her hand ran over her temple where she felt a large bump that she instinctively knew should not be there. And why was it still so dark? Her eyes fluttered open only to snap shut again immediately. The light overwhelmed her already sensitive head. With a groan she rolled over to face the floor.

"Good, you are not dead."

That startled her. She hadn't remembered being with anyone. But then again, everything was fuzzy. She pushed herself up on her knees and turned towards the source of the comment. Squinting, she tried to focus in on the blob before her.

"Are you okay?" she slurred.

"Am I okay?" The man answered. "Misplaced concern there, as I do not need external assistance to heal from my wounds."

"Huh?"

She stood up quickly and then pitched forward as dizziness overtook her. Her companion caught her before she fell back to the floor, and started moving her towards the bright light in the distance.

"Let's get you outside. Maybe some air will put you back in your right mind," he muttered. "Not that you are ever really there."

"Now dear, no need to be so rough," she chastised as he propelled her through the door.

"Dear?" he snapped, whipping her around to look at him. He never got his answer as she lurched forward, vomiting over his boots before passing out at his feet.

XXXX

Sam slowly woke up to persistent shaking and mad mutters about not wanting to explain this to her crazy crew of misfits. Her head still hurt like hell and the jostling was not helping any.

"Knock it off Ba'al." she moaned as she attempted to sit up.

"Good. You know who I am. Do you know who you are?"

Sam scrutinized the man, wondering if he was more than slightly touched.

"Samantha," she stated cautiously.

Ba'al nodded. "And how did we end up here."

"I'll skip the obvious 'we crashed' and go with the hyper-drives overloaded, causing us to drop out of hyperspace. And to make our bad luck worse, the sub light engine malfunctioned, causing us to crash into the planet," Sam recited almost robotically by the end. "Good enough?"

"The crash seems to have left most of the main systems inoperable, including communications." Ba'al waved what appeared to be junk under Sam's nose. "And this is broken so we can't just walk through."

"Walk through what?"

Ba'al moved back and pointed towards the stargate about a hundred feet away.

"We crashed near a chappa'ai. How convenient." Sam marvelled at their luck while Ba'al's eyes widened at her choice of words.

"It would be more convenient if your device was working and you could walk through without becoming flattened." The man's face twisted into a look of disgust, at what Sam wasn't sure. "But it is definitely dead. However, since you appear to be you again, the two of us should be able to get the main systems of the tel'tak on line and you can radio for help. I am sure your little team will be here in no time to collect you."

"What team is that dear?" Sam asked with a laugh. "And fix the ship. I don't think so. I am not an engineer or a mechanic - whatever it is you need to achieve that. Unless you are expecting a miracle."

Ba'al stood up and glared at the woman, his eyes glowing. "Do not start with the 'Dears'. We are not a couple."

Sam dismissed the display as she got up, brushing herself off. "Do not try and intimidate me with your symbiote. Bad enough you were rubbing it in about the healing earlier."

"Are you listening to me, woman?" Ba'al's tone was that of the truly frustrated. "We are not together."

"Right," Sam agreed as she patted him on the cheek. "We had our daughter out of wedlock."

Ba'al shook his finger in Sam's direction, started to speak then snapped his mouth shut. He took a deep breath and shouted, "We are not married."

Sam folded her arms over her chest and continued to stare at her companion.

"Also, we do not have a daughter," he added as an after thought.

"You've forgotten your own daughter," huffed Sam, rolling her eyes.

"If we have a daughter, then why isn't she here with us?" Ba'al asked, his eyes daring her to explain that away.

"We couldn't very well remove her from her schooling for this little excursion." Sam scolded him like he was a small child. "And you know how Cassie loves to stay with her Aunt Janet. I am sure we will get back before they start to worry.

Ba'al was stunned. "Cassie?"

"Our daughter. You are clearly suffering from some form of amnesia. Lost years," speculated Sam. She tilted her head, sizing up the man in front of her. "And no, hitting me on the head isn't going to help. You are the one with the memory loss."

Ba'al simply growled, "I am not the one with amnesia."

XXXX

A short while later found the stranded couple sitting back inside the cargo ship. Ba'al attempted to repair the communications systems while Sam observed his progress from behind. She sat with her face propped up in her hands, her eyes focused on the strong limber fingers of the man in front of her gliding across the crystals as he worked.

"I think it's time for a break."

"The sooner I get this finished. The sooner we'll be out of here." The sooner I'll be away from you hung unsaid between the two.

"You know," Sam murmured suggestively as she moved closer. "Once you get your memory back you won't be so anxious to get away from me."

"Not the one missing memories," muttered Ba'al.

Sam wrapped her arms around her companion's neck and nibbled at his ear, "I could make it worth your while to take a break."

Ba'al leapt to his feet, pushing Sam cruelly away. "Stop that. We are not married. We are not together. You are insane."

"So, you are saying that even in your wild, carefree unattached days you wouldn't take advantage of an offer from a beautiful, hot woman to get it on." Sam glared in disbelief.

"I am unattached now and Tau'ri women, hot or otherwise, generally don't go around propositioning Goa'ulds," Ba'al fumed.

Sam tried and failed to stifle her laughter. "Oh! So now you think you are a Goa'uld."

"I know I am a Goa'uld. What the hell do you think I am? You have admitted knowledge of my symbiote." A blood vessel in Ba'al's forehead could be seen throbbing through the skin.

"You're a Tok'ra, of course. Like my father. I'd never marry a Goa'uld." Sam bit out between chuckles.

"We are not MARRIED!" exploded from the man in front of her. "That is it. Get out."

"What?"

You do not remember anything of use. Watching me work is not bringing any of it back. So out."

Ba'al grabbed the still stunned Sam and unceremoniously deposited her on the outside of the cargo ship. The last she heard from him before the door locked behind her was, "You are not getting back in unless something life threatening happens along."

XXXX

Sam sat outside, resting against the ship, enjoying the warm breeze as she waited patiently for Ba'al to come to his senses. He couldn't keep her locked outside forever. It did turn out that he was willing to keep her outdoors for most of the daylight hours on the planet however. It was turning decidedly colder when the door slid open and his head popped out to look at her.

"I need you to walk over and dial up your home."

"And why would I do that?" asked a now grumpy Sam. "You have ignored me for hours."

"Well if I have amnesia as you say, I am less likely to correctly to remember the address. Plus according to you we have a daughter at home who just might be concerned about her parents' whereabouts."

Sam had to admit that the logic was difficult to argue with as she hiked over to the DHD. She might have countered with the argument that, according to him, she had amnesia; but since she didn't, it was a moot point. Plus, once she accurately dialled out, he would no longer be able to keep arguing that she was the one with the faulty memory.

XXXX

Once she got back to the cargo ship, she noticed two things. Ba'al was standing outside waiting for her and the wormhole in the stargate had already disengaged.

"Oh man, now I'll have to go back and redial."

"No need, I've already sent a distress message."

"Really. What did you tell them?"

"Standard distress message. Crashed. Send help. Had to shut down the wormhole so they could do just that."

"Bet you feel silly now that it's clear that I am not the one with amnesia."

"No, since it is I who has full use of his facilities."

"How do you figure that? I knew the address to dial."

"You do seem to recall the oddest little facts."

"Oh honey, it's actually kind of cute how you cling to this belief that nothing is wrong with you."

"Do me a favour and don't call me by any endearments once your friends get here. They strike me as the type to kill first and ask questions later when it comes to my taking advantage of the situation with you."

"What are they going to do? Put you in your sarcophagus?" Sam asked recalling Ba'al's earlier claim to be a goa'uld.

"No. They'll simply ask my corpse," Ba'al deadpanned. "They don't actually need me to answer."

"They are not going to kill my husband if they are my friends now, are they?"

Ba'al sighed. "Fine. We are married. Please make a point of complaining loudly how your husband did not show you an ounce of affection after the crash."

The swoosh of an engaging wormhole caught the attention of the two bickering figures and they turned to watch four individuals appear at the steps in front of giant circle. Having spotted them, the four started in the direction of the downed ship and its passengers.

"On second thought. Not even you complaining loudly is likely to save me. I think I'll wait till you have straightened the whole thing out with them. Which will not happen till they straighten you out." With that, Ba'al darted for the cover of the nearby woods.

Sam started to chase after him when a voice called out from the approaching foursome, "Sam!"

She swung around and glared at the intruders. "What?"

"Whoa. Hey we came here to help you." Hands raised to calm the agitated woman.

"Help! You aren't helping. You have frightened off my husband." Sam fumed at four people who, as far as she could remember, she had never seen before. "I was finally getting through to the love of my life and you had to come along to 'rescue me', chasing him away. The Lt. Colonel pivoted on her heel and stomped off in the same direction as her alleged spouse.

"Husband?"

"Love of her life?"

"I do believe she lost more than just her memory."

"Indeed."


End file.
